Instances of the Otherworld

Regarding my "Nihon no Tenshi" series, I got the most wonderful comment from a Polish guy on Deviantart yesterday:

"You're artstyle is what I missed long, long time. Sensitivity in harm."

Sensitivity in harm is so poignant for me, I feel that could be the subtitle to the Nihon no Tenshi pieces. I was really pleased to get such an understanding comment.
The MALFORMA show less of that "sensitivity", but the later ones particularly are gentler. I wonder if that phrase can also be applied to them?

Fushigi Egg

View at DeviantArt

I was in quite a "state" the 2 weeks after my interview in Toronto. I was worried, almost worried sick. I was nervous and agitated and cranky and scared and it wore me out. Like a deer in headlights, I didn't know which way to turn, so I just stood there. I didn't want to work on school or my stupid grocery store job, so I just floated through and stayed quiet. I felt dead with concern.

I am wrapped around this mysterious egg, exhausted. What the hell's inside? What have I bought? A basilisk or a phoenix?
Above me, Quetzalcoatl speaks in a language I don't know, the stars rearranging around him.

As always, you can tell the figure in this one is me because it has "my" tattoo.

Finished in the beginning of April, 2007.

King of Clubs

View at DeviantArt

As of this post, there aren't a Queen and Jack of Clubs yet.

This is the 4th finished colored card, 4 of 12. Finished around April 13, 2007.
This King is darker than the others, again evoking the original readings of cartomancy. The Court cards could always be interpreted as physical people, the questioner, or someone in the questioner's life. These people were associated with a Court card by color ("Dark hair and medium skin") and age (young or adult). The Hearts were considered the lightest-colored people and Spades, the darkest. Because Clubs are a black card, the overall appearance of a "Clubs"-represented person would be a generally 'dark' person with "dark eyes, dark hair and medium skin". It may be interesting to study the application of this centuries-old idea to modern readings.

The King of Clubs, being the King of Work, the Body and Flesh, is half bound in flesh in this card. One of his faces, here at top, is medium-dark as described by tradition. The [here] bottom face is the "affected" or attacked face--here with the weapon to his head, as the Suicide King.
Though in popular culture the King of Hearts is known as the Suicide King, because he holds his sword behind (or through) his own head, I believe the symbol of the gun as a Club and the methods of modern suicide made this King a better choice.

Because Clubs are a black (and therefore overall negative) card, this King's "affecting" half (here, top) has his eyes closed and powerless. The "affected" half is staring dully into space at the moment of his suicide.

The King of Clubs can be read as "The Boss", a very physically fit adult man, a man of power (not necessarily money), or an active person.

10 of Clubs

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I was concerned about this card because it was the first that included readable text--normally I wouldn't try that, but it being "almost" a Court Card, I thought I could push it a little. On another card (The Queen of Hearts, I believe) there is another readable banner.

The Tens all represent the culmination, the end, the finished cycle, the ultimate expression. For the Ten of Clubs I packed as much body, muscle and fire as I could into the card. The double figure has multiple limbs of many species, including a wing which indicates 'ability' or 'freedom', and a beast's arm of pure power. In [here] the top right corner, I included a Salamander, the traditional animal of Fire. As a weapon, nothing came to mind more clearly than a gun. The Sun is also present, rare on these cards which really focus on the dark and despairing aspects of the interpretation.

The Ten can be read as a long physical journey, so I included the airplane here.

9 of Clubs

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At this point, the 25th finished card in the MALFORMA Deck.

Nine: Change, transformation
Clubs: Work, job, body, ability, muscle

The 9 of Clubs is the clearest card to indicate a job change. However, since clubs also represent the physical body, I chose to also include the literal interpretation of "changing body". The man on top has one breast, half-curled hair, and is "changing hats". There are nine keys, showing the ability of this card to act as a tool for physical change. Various cherubs, my symbol of help and attendance, are hanging around.
There is also a Sylph or Zephyr on the reverse of this card (here, on bottom). Though it is a wind element appearing on a fire card, the Sylph brings "winds of change". Of the 9's, this one is the strongest in its basic message. That is typical of clubs. I interpret them as the strongest (being wholly physical) and best able to manifest in the visible world without help.

8 of Clubs

Thoughts about work, problem solving, logic, meditation (for the body), yoga, passionate intelligence.

When faced with "thoughts" and "work/body" my first reaction was problem solving, or the rat in the maze here. The bottom figure is a sort of professor, dedicated to his work. The top figure is a cherub of action and passion as befits the clubs. He carries plans in his skull and clubs in his muscled arms.

The sparrow has a numbered list--plans to get the job done. This card is good for intellectuals of all kinds, or someone with a project.

Just a quick poll for those of you familiar with my MALFORMA. As always I appreciate your feedback. :)

Poll #1213438
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

Should I add color to all the regular MALFORMA (as in The Fisher-colored)?

Should I add color to all the MALFORMA playing cards (as the face-cards)?

If the MALFORMA cards were finished and available to download, would you?

What is your favorite MALFORMA? (Describe if you don't know the name, or tell me your favorite symbols).

Should I make a website for MALFORMA?

Suppose I admitted I don't know how to make Flash websites or even good HTML. Would you actually help me do it, or point me toward someone who can help me?

Okay, thanks! ありがとう！

7 of Clubs



A blocked path at work, an obstacle, an injury, trouble with a coworker. Physical effort mandatory.

Some obvious symbols here: the octagonal stop sign, the heavy bricks, straining muscles and bull with tongue all show effort going to waste. The neck-broken pigeon is for the alternate reading of injury, or something that physically stops you. Chains are prevalent in the Clubs, being strong and metallic (fire) but also binding and painful (physical, work).

6 of Clubs



A path, a difficult journey, a job, a steady task or problem that wears you down.

I left this one scanned upside-down for interest's sake, originally intending the foot-grabbing creature to be under the earth and the burdened person on top of it. In this case the person seems suspended in his long and exhausting travel.
This one was quite fun and came out full of 'drips'. When used as an actual card, the parts moving up and the parts moving down will be in good harmony.

5 of Clubs

Working with one's hands, working with tools, tools in general, work suddenly taking off, a breakthrough.

The 5 gives obvious connections to stars and hands, so I used a lot in this card, as in all the 5's. I tried to find many tools--the banner-creature at the bottom is holding various autopsy tools including the scissors that have one blunt tip, and a small saw. Several hands are touching each other, helping, perhaps being coworkers. The serpent is an avatar of knowledge and the earth, and twined around the pick, gives a strong earthy bend to this card. But meanwhile the lizard beside it is breathing fire and one hand is holding a lighter. Since Clubs are often read as the suit of fire (action/body), and 5's are associated with the hand, an earth/fire combination is necessary here.

I really like drawing scissors and they are a bizarre tool to my mind. They're two knives used for art, or sewing or cooking, which are also arts. As a weapon they are esoteric and graceful, somehow more chilling and shocking than a dagger or even a gun. I find myself drawing nearly as many as hammers.

4 of Clubs

A steady job, consistent work, work that is old-fashioned.

I used earthy symbols in this card: lots of flowers, bricks, clay, boxes. The carnations are the "fire" flower I chose for clubs, the suit of action. The gun is a fire weapon.
This rather un-cohesive card suggests same old, same old.

3 of Clubs

Link at Deviantart?

The three was a difficult card for me, even after having done all of the hearts. Without the red pips, I was feeling lost in a sea of black. This never happens when working on a regular MALFORMA, so I was surprised by this emotion.
The three of Clubs is an increase in work, a growing difficulty, more effort required. The man and snail in this card are being crushed by the workload (a happier deck of cards would have them bearing up under the demands of work, but the MALFORMA must be unrelentingly horrid).
In this card I began to draw fire, the element of Clubs. I also determined that daisies would be the suit's flower. The daisy appeared in the Ace as well. These continuing themes help associate the deck in many ways other than simply all being MALFORMA.

2 of Clubs

Link at Deviantart?

2 of Clubs is a work partner, a difficult thing to draw. I drew a sense of urgency, desperately building and nailing and moving while trying to eat lunch or breathe and communicate. Work partners are very important. They're like the other hand you always wished you had. They can also be like a horrible blister on your toe that you can't ignore nor get rid of. It's not a big problem, exactly, but it can be the one little thing that sets you off if you're already having a bad day.

King of Hearts

Link at deviantart?

The Kings being lord of their domain, I have them in charge of the weapon of their suit. Hearts is a tricky creature. Hearts is the interior, the home. It does not run up boldly to an enemy and rip their throat out--it's more likely to be the quiet woman who smothers her husband silently in the dead of night, and nobody saw it coming. The weapon of Hearts is poison.
This was the first Court card I colored, and using a gentle color palette was necessary for Hearts, the palest of the suits. I found it easy to draw this King--his is a simple cause and effect. The top King is drinking the poison (a lurid green--I thought it was funny) and the bottom is suffering its effects. This King's heart is visible, falling out of his skin with broken ribs underneath. It was a good opportunity to practice drawing hearts, anyway.

My favorite part of this card is the blood soaking through the bandages on the King's wrist. It was an experiment that turned out exactly as I wanted.
Again, the fish (this time a live one and a dead) prop up the King.
Although in a regular deck there is only one "suicide" king, in my deck it is all four of them.

Link at Deviantart?

Though I actually did these Court Cards after doing most of the pips, I'll post what I have in (a semblance of) correct order. As of right now I haven't done the Jack of Hearts (but you may look at this Painting of the Jack at my Deviantart site)---so here is his Queen.

It is still hard for me to post these cards facing only one way--I worked for so long making them perfectly double-headed that it feels odd to have them oriented at all.
This Queen of Hearts was quite a challenge--to make her the Queen of emotion and love as well as moodiness, psychic power and blood. I tried to give her a mysterious air with her bizarre gesture on the lower half (one hand is gesturing--the other is made to gesture) as well as the veil, which is blue. I definitely intended it to reference the traditional paintings of Mary in the Christian tradition. This Queen is the Holy Mother of the deck, her third eye seeing but her real eyes unneeded.

Around her are sea creatures of the deep and shallow, like emotions, dreams and intuition. I wanted more blood in this card, Hearts being literally the carriers of blood, but there wasn't much room for it. The Rose that is the flower of the Heart here has an eye in it too.

The upper Queen, lost in thought, is a kind and pale mother, with a lovely octopus in a golden goblet. Of all the Court cards, I think this one best captures its intended meaning.
You may notice that the two halves of the Queen have different skin tones. This is something I began on the Queen of Diamonds and wanted to continue if at all possible. I'm not sure how well this color change will translate to print, but I want it to be subtle and noticeable, if not glaringly obvious. The Court cards are, more than any of the others, imbued with a dual identity of positive and negative, and I wanted that to show in every part.

When I came to check on this journal the other day, I noticed some of my image links were broken. Today I discovered that a great number of my images were shot. I have fixed all the regular MALFORMA that I noticed (after uploading every MALFORMA to the LJ image server/ScrapBook and then realizing it wouldn't display them at the right size, fiddling with it with no success, and uploading everything to Photobucket at last). I know there are still a lot of cards with broken links (I noticed 9,8,7 and 5 of Hearts right off) and those are next on my list.
If you come across an entry that has a broken image link, please let me know. I have much on my to-do list, including getting newer/better/bigger scans of some of the MALFORMA, and scanning in the new drawing(s) I've done recently. I hope all of you are having a fair summer and continue to check out my new drawings when I post them.

Link at Deviantart?

The ace of Clubs is a taskmaster, a Big Boss, a Work lord who's holding an offer you just can't refuse. It symbolizes The Boss Himself, a new job, or an opportunity arising in work. Clubs are difficult--they are effort, muscle, sweat, trudging through life with a load on your back. Of course they can be the means to an end; but they can also be too much to handle and end up crushing you.

Clubs are the suit of fire, the body, manifestation, passion, sex, anger, and drive.

This Ace is my favorite of the little Aces, because the Boss here is so demanding. His rats are holding up some contracts, which you may sign. If you don't take this opportunity, you may end up like the head on the other side.

Drawn: Around Feb. 22

Terrified by the prospect of my interview in Toronto, I drew this during my Political Science class. The eel rises from my hands like the fish from a goblet in the Page of Cups in a normal tarot--on that card it would represent a letter, an unexpected message of joy, but this fish could deliver a nasty bite instead. I was feeling sick, wobbly, unconnected. The fear began to wear on me--I had no backup plan, no hope for the future beyond this. It was stupid to put all my eggs in this single basket, but I also believed that it would work out. I was twisting on the knife edge of faith and fear.

This is another self-portrait (not all of them are) and you can see my (future) tattoo on the right arm.

I also attempted to color this MALFORMA, which is not normal, but wanted to practice for the face-cards in my deck.

( You can see it here under the cut )

Fatal Believers
Link at Devantart

The Dir en grey show in Atlanta, GA on Feb.3 was my third, and every single one of them is the best (:D) but this show truly was amazing.
I took some of my friends with me this time, so when some crazy drunk guy in the mosh pit (which was the entire floor, to be honest) grabbed me by the ass and lifted me onto Pip's shoulders, I took full advantage of this amazing view. I threw my hands into the air and screamed with pure exaltation.

Kaoru, the feathered god-guitarist-beast, is on the left. I had a pretty excellent view of him the entire time. Kyo and his mouthful of blood are on the right. His microphone cord whips around him like a serpent. Pip is under me with his black mohawk, and I am the twisted, tortured, euphoric creature with arched back and arms stretching so hard toward the light and the music that they break. At the tip of my reach I have caught a star. The moment belongs to me. Rapture.

In the fertile ground of a nest of hands, pushing upward, I finally was able to ride the motion and move upward, seeking, into the air.

Old Friends Forgot

Link at Deviantart

On Stephen's birthday, I was at work early in the morning. A certain customer reminded me somewhat of him (or rather, what I fancy he would be like if he'd had the chance to grow up)--in certain ways, like buying wine and cookies together :). I was just thinking these nice thoughts when this customer (who is actually a bit of a bitch) snapped at me, "You forgot my change. I wrote that check for OVER."
"I'm sorry," I said and gave it to him.
"YOU need to be more OBSERVANT," he said in a snit, pointing his finger right in my face, and stomped off.
Normally I would ignore this guy, who is petty and cranky and irritated by being alive, but I had just been thinking kind things about him. It was quite a slap in the face.

So here is a MALFORMA about the ways our memories of loved ones are decayed and broken down by the sick realities of life, and the unfortunate people who are not yet dead.
The poison people have no qualms about spewing sometimes lands in a particularly tender spot. Maybe you should choose your words before you speak--you don't know what someone is thinking about you, do you?